Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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