apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
