you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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