I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
