'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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