This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
