i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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