At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
