This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
