I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize