I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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