Tell her she can't have a vagina
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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