I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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