the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
did i just pee glitter
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
