Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(217): View more from Illinois

Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

(1-217): View more from Illinois

Don't worry about it.

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(716): View more from New York

She's like a pop up book from hell.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..

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(404): View more from Georgia

It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add

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(213): View more from California

there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.

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(720): View more from Colorado

So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".

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(207): View more from Maine

My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE

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