Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
