We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was not drunk enough for that final.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
