This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
