This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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