I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize