I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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