so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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