garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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