Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
