just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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