So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She bit a glass in half.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
