i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
