didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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