when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize