I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
