Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
