She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
