I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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