yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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