Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
