If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
