does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
