I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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