meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
