I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
