Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
