so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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