The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
