I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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