Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
