I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
