Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
