oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
