The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
