yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize