It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
