Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize