Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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