I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
