Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
