Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
