please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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