The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am mentally ready for anal.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
