1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
