boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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