this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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