Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
