and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
