did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
