I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
