if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
