I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
