So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
