i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
