I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
