he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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