Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
