I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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