John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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