Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
