U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
