I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
