Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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