I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
