I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
